When I was a little kid, my Dad always called me Violetta. He said it means “calming”. Maybe he did not mean that. Perhaps he just wanted to find a name that is similar to my sister’s, Viorenzia. I have never liked my first name. My mother did not like it either. She wanted a name that is more common, like Sabrina or Adrianna. But my dad chose Violetta. The name that appears on my passport. The name that appears on my diploma. Everything. Personally, I don’t think I am calming. I act like Californian raging fire. I can never have control of myself. I don’t like my name. I never did. When I started to go by my middle name, Kamilla, people tend to misspell it. Camilla; Camila; Kamilia; Kamala.

I never liked Violetta. But I wish Dad still called me Violetta. I wish he still held me in his arms.

I wish he could re-love me.